Looking for ways to help your romantic relationship or marriage improve? We can all make tweaks to our love life to ensure more happiness and peace. As a couple, you’re always a work in progress, and even the smallest changes can make big differences. Make your relationship stronger with these 15 simple tips:
- Don’t stop saying “please” and “thank you.” Simple words? Yes, but they’re powerful. Over time, couples can become lax with their manners toward each other due to being too comfortable around each other, and that can lead to speaking more harshly or rudely to your partner, even if you’re only saying “pass the salt” at the dinner table. If you can say “please” and “thank you” to a stranger at a grocery store or a restaurant, why not continue saying it to someone close and dear to you, too? Your communication with your partner will become more positive and respectful as well when you use these words.
- Be present. Have you ever caught yourself thinking or focusing on something else while your partner is talking to you about something important to them or even just making small talk with you? When you’re not 100% present in the moment with your lover, you miss out on quality time and make them feel that you’re not really there with them, which can make them think they’re being ignored and are unimportant to you. Remove distractions, clear your mind, and enjoy the moment. If you’re too stressed out about a specific situation going on in your life, you can use quality time to talk it out with your partner or let them know you need a short 5-10-minute break to calm your mind and relax so that you can fully be in the present with them.
- Change the way you think about and speak to your partner. Do you get caught up in your partner’s faults or negative feelings you’re holding on to from past arguments? Focusing too much on the negative can warp the way you see your relationship and your significant other, and it’s important to see things more objectively so that you get the big-picture perspective. Over time, the more you focus on the negative, the less attracted you may seem to your partner and the less committed you feel to them. Ultimately, putting all your attention only on the negative aspects of your relationship fuels the fire of resentment, so try changing the way you think about your partner and your entire relationship with them. Remind yourself of the positives and the things you love about your companion. Simply switching your thoughts to more positive ones and changing the way you think can alter your perspective on your relationship and even raises your own mood and energy. (It beats being tired, angry, and bitter all the time, at least.) When you focus on the negatives, you’re more likely to distort reality and downplay the happy times in your relationship. If the situation were reversed, would you be as harsh to yourself as you are with your partner?
- Stop struggling for power or control. If you often have competitions with your significant other to see who gets more power or control in the relationship, stop. The power struggle will only strain your relationship further. When we’re in a relationship, we tend to test out our partner’s boundaries to see how far we can push their buttons. But having an equilibrium between you and your partner is the ideal situation. Balance things out and bring out each other’s strengths rather than playing tug-o’-war with each other. Value each other’s opinions and individuality instead of working against them. Instead of trying to change or control your partner, focus on the things in your relationship that are fixable and can be solved by both of you together. The reality is that we can’t control others, but you can work together with your significant other to improve the relationship so that it’s more peaceful. healthier, and happier.
- Avoid taking your partner for granted. It happens to the best of us. We feel comfortable with our partner, believing that they’ll accept anything we dish out to them, even our deepest faults, and we let ourselves take the other for granted. Do small things every day to show your affection and appreciation for your companion:
- Give compliments and say “thank you” more often (and mean it).
- Listen to them when they have concerns about your behavior or what they want to improve in the relationship.
- Keep promises to each other.
- Go out on dates to places where your lover wants.
- Give them their alone time when they need it.
- Stop keeping track of the past. If you’re still angry about an argument you had with your spouse, it’s time to let it go for your sake and your relationship. Holding a grudge is a double-edged sword, and it will only tear you down as well as your relationship. The more things you hold on to, the more cracks will occur in your confidence and security in your relationship, which will eventually lead to more fights, anger, and stress. The past can never be changed, but that also means you and your significant other can work together so that the past doesn’t repeat itself. Staying stuck in the past will inevitably create similar situations.
- Break negative cycles. Do you notice you and your significant other repeating negative behavioral patterns that weaken your bond? Over time, repeating these negative cycles can cause strains to your relationship. Don’t brush them off as “something me and my partner do” as these cycles can weaken your bond and, eventually, cause one or both of you to get exhausted with the cycles and end the relationship. Start by changing your responses to each other and any perceived issues you think you have in your relationship. For instance, let’s say one of your pet peeves about your partner is that they always place dirty clothes on the floor instead of the laundry basket. Instead of getting angry and nagging them about it, look at the situation differently: how can you make it so that both of you can live a less stressful life together? One solution can be to place the laundry basket where your partner usually dumps their dirty clothes. Another solution is to split up chores around the house, and you can take care of the laundry so that you have full control of the process.
- Stop letting others into your relationship. With the digital age we’re in where social media rants go rampant, it’s best to keep your relationship between you and your significant other. It may be tempting to use social media to vent out your frustrations and get validation for your own views and thoughts from others. But this only makes your relationship seem unhealthy to others, and their opinions can influence your decisions and thoughts. Also, it can cause insecurity in both you and your partner if everyone knows your business, and this can cause others to jump into your relationship to solve your problems for you. Focus on you and your partner when it comes to anything related to your relationship, and don’t air out your dirty laundry to the public.
- Disconnect from technology and social media. When you’re spending quality time with your lover, make sure you’re not on your phone the entire time or checking social media. Be present with your partner and put your technology away for the time being – you won’t get that time back with your partner, and it will only make you feel less connected to them.
- Have a backbone. When we’re in a relationship, many of us want to maintain harmony, and that can cause us to be too lenient with each other. Perhaps you say sorry too often or you don’t say what you think or feel because you’re afraid of backlash or causing a fight with your partner. Be more assertive (not demanding or condescending) when it comes to communicating with your partner. If you let things slide too often, you may start to feel like a doormat and feel like you can’t be 100% yourself in the relationship.
- Be more understanding and compassionate. Excuse the cliche, but walking in another person’s shoes to better understand them is 100% true. We can feel resistant toward our partner due to grudges, anger, annoyance, etc., but we feel those things because we’re still in our shoes. Change your perspective to see how your partner may feel about a certain situation and ask them questions to get to know how they think. Keep in mind that your romantic companion is an individual with their own life experiences that have shaped their mindset, so they may see things differently than you.
- Learn to accept your partner as they are. Acceptance is not the same as approval. You may not like certain habits your companion has or you may have pet peeves about the way they live their life or do things, but the truth is that no one can change the other by voicing their opinion on how the other should behave. When you want someone to fit your mold, you don’t allow that person to be themselves. Learn to accept them as they are by reminding yourself they’re human, just like you, with character traits and flaws that are simply different from your own.
- Grow and improve yourselves together. Growing and learning together strengthens your relationship, so find ways to discover new things together, whether that’s through traveling or taking self-improvement courses. Help each other grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This is an excellent opportunity to learn more about each other, too, as you both continue to improve yourselves over time, which will pour over to your relationship and make it better.
- Continue flirting and courting with each other. Even if you’ve been together for 10 or 30 years, why stop flirting and having fun with each other through the simple act of touching or going on dates? You can feel like teenagers all the time and keep the “honeymoon phase” going for longer by doing things to maintain that connection. Touch each other throughout the day; even a simple back rub or
- Never go to bed angry. Walk away from a stressful situation and control your emotions, then come back and discuss with your partner. Holding on to the negative emotions will perpetuate the negativity and strain in your relationship, and bottling the negativity in can make it worse. If you can’t discuss the matter right away, call truce for now and come back to it later. Let go of your pride and ego, and don’t let your emotions take over or define your entire relationship with your significant other. Helping your relationship progress is vital if you want to keep it going strong. Most importantly, you never know what life throws at you, and you don’t want your last words, memories or feelings toward your partner to be ones of resentment, anger, and bitterness.
Even though every relationship is different and has its own unique challenges, we hope these 15 relationship improvement tips can help you build a better and stronger bond with your significant other!